B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Deep cleansing breath... hold it... let it out.
So, yesterday. After I reminded myself that oxygen was my friend, I readied myself to face another evening of fun and festivities at my place of employment. Normally, I would be looking forward to the diversionary mayhem to keep my mind off of the craptacular life I'm leading. On this occasion, however, I knew I would be forced to work alongside my newly-acquired archnemesis.
But, Julie, you may be saying ~ you are so quiet and likeable. How could you have any enemies?
Well, see, the answer is simply that I have no idea what crawled up this girl's ass. A couple of weeks ago, there began an unsettling shitfest that confounded yours truly. I show up to work in my usual cheery, unpretentious manner. As I am receiving report from the offgoing nurse, I am dutifully informed that said individual has apparently taken it upon herself the task of trying to make me look bad. WTF? This did not involve the usual gossip and ankle-biting that one might expect on occasion in any workplace. No, no, no. Seems Miss Bitch had begun a campaign of outright libel against me, an act of which is absolutely disallowed and largely unheard of across the board. Glass houses, ya know? Her assertions that certain aspects of my duties were not being executed BLINDSIDED me, forcing a thorough self-assessment (and ensuing self-doubt), as I have never, ever, ever been called to task on my performance. Ever.
Fortunately for me, there arose a rally of support the likes of which I have never known. I had not sought out advocacy, nor fired up the lynch mob that soon formed. What began to unfold shocked my socks off, and gave me the warm fuzzies fer shur.
I have worked in this industry for 13 years, and in this particular venue for the most part of 9 of those years. This Corn Nibblet* has been around the block, eh, maybe three years total; now on her fifth place of employment. Following me so far? Perhaps she missed the memo regarding the Code of Ethics. The CYOA clause specifies thou shalt not dig holes lest ye trip thyself in. (This is not to imply that willfully improper behavior is acceptable or overlooked. There are strict moral and legal standards to which we are bound).
Anyway... on with the show.
I abhor gossip; this is no bull. I refused to get caught up in this game, and kept my thoughts on the matter to myself. As disconcerting as this event was, there was no monkey on my back; I was unfazed. Behind the scenes, however, formed A Plan. (You know, the unspoken understanding that if it can happen to you, it could happen to me; let's put an end to this bullshit)... Sometimes, deliverance comes from from the least expected places. Linking up through the chain of command, my cohorts developed a force field of protection, complete with razor-sharp barbed wire. Had I known this, I would have enticed Miss Bitch to step into my lair, but, alas, I am just not that kinda person. Really. My nose is clean. As luck would have it, though, a weasel can't stay away from the henhouse for long, and she got herself tangled up. You see, the Law of Inevitability clearly defines that what goes around, comes around. To wit: don't fuck with people.
After a cleverly devised clandestine observation of said individual, by three levels of our superiors no less, it turns out that SHE, in fact, was making serious errors and omissions (not I, natch). SHE was written up twice, and is now on probation. Ha. haha. HahaHahaHA.
Fucking cow.
I must admit, however, that while I largely ignored her and the tension in the air, that the smarmy looks she would throw my way made me want to go all Bobby Bouchet** on her ass.
If you would have told me 20 years ago that adolescent hijinks tend to repeat themselves over, and over, and over again, I would have called you crazy. I must confess, that I have not witnessed another adult conduct themself in this manner since I grew up and went to college. All I can say is, I ain't no Hollaback Girl. Nuff said. End of rant.
Bitch.
* - undigested byproduct in the manure of existence
** - read: tackled a la The Waterboy
So, yesterday. After I reminded myself that oxygen was my friend, I readied myself to face another evening of fun and festivities at my place of employment. Normally, I would be looking forward to the diversionary mayhem to keep my mind off of the craptacular life I'm leading. On this occasion, however, I knew I would be forced to work alongside my newly-acquired archnemesis.
But, Julie, you may be saying ~ you are so quiet and likeable. How could you have any enemies?
Well, see, the answer is simply that I have no idea what crawled up this girl's ass. A couple of weeks ago, there began an unsettling shitfest that confounded yours truly. I show up to work in my usual cheery, unpretentious manner. As I am receiving report from the offgoing nurse, I am dutifully informed that said individual has apparently taken it upon herself the task of trying to make me look bad. WTF? This did not involve the usual gossip and ankle-biting that one might expect on occasion in any workplace. No, no, no. Seems Miss Bitch had begun a campaign of outright libel against me, an act of which is absolutely disallowed and largely unheard of across the board. Glass houses, ya know? Her assertions that certain aspects of my duties were not being executed BLINDSIDED me, forcing a thorough self-assessment (and ensuing self-doubt), as I have never, ever, ever been called to task on my performance. Ever.
Fortunately for me, there arose a rally of support the likes of which I have never known. I had not sought out advocacy, nor fired up the lynch mob that soon formed. What began to unfold shocked my socks off, and gave me the warm fuzzies fer shur.
I have worked in this industry for 13 years, and in this particular venue for the most part of 9 of those years. This Corn Nibblet* has been around the block, eh, maybe three years total; now on her fifth place of employment. Following me so far? Perhaps she missed the memo regarding the Code of Ethics. The CYOA clause specifies thou shalt not dig holes lest ye trip thyself in. (This is not to imply that willfully improper behavior is acceptable or overlooked. There are strict moral and legal standards to which we are bound).
Anyway... on with the show.
I abhor gossip; this is no bull. I refused to get caught up in this game, and kept my thoughts on the matter to myself. As disconcerting as this event was, there was no monkey on my back; I was unfazed. Behind the scenes, however, formed A Plan. (You know, the unspoken understanding that if it can happen to you, it could happen to me; let's put an end to this bullshit)... Sometimes, deliverance comes from from the least expected places. Linking up through the chain of command, my cohorts developed a force field of protection, complete with razor-sharp barbed wire. Had I known this, I would have enticed Miss Bitch to step into my lair, but, alas, I am just not that kinda person. Really. My nose is clean. As luck would have it, though, a weasel can't stay away from the henhouse for long, and she got herself tangled up. You see, the Law of Inevitability clearly defines that what goes around, comes around. To wit: don't fuck with people.
After a cleverly devised clandestine observation of said individual, by three levels of our superiors no less, it turns out that SHE, in fact, was making serious errors and omissions (not I, natch). SHE was written up twice, and is now on probation. Ha. haha. HahaHahaHA.
Fucking cow.
I must admit, however, that while I largely ignored her and the tension in the air, that the smarmy looks she would throw my way made me want to go all Bobby Bouchet** on her ass.
If you would have told me 20 years ago that adolescent hijinks tend to repeat themselves over, and over, and over again, I would have called you crazy. I must confess, that I have not witnessed another adult conduct themself in this manner since I grew up and went to college. All I can say is, I ain't no Hollaback Girl. Nuff said. End of rant.
Bitch.
* - undigested byproduct in the manure of existence
** - read: tackled a la The Waterboy
posted by Julie at 9:45 AM
5 Comments:
Hi Julie,
Is it okay if add you to my links list?
Sure, that would be great, thanks. :-)
Same here, when I get around to it?
Um, I kinda like that song. Shh...I'm glad the Corn Nibblet got what was coming to her. Biiiiiitch. Upon any mention of The Waterboy I'm afraid I have to say, "My Bobby ain't got what you call 'de social skeeeells."
isn't it curious that people who try to get others in trouble for something tend to be people doing those very things themselves? i've experienced that truth several times. i currently have a heartless co-worker who this week (1) told my boss i was skipping out early when i wasn't (and could easily prove it), but she has been coming in late, and (2) when i spent 30 minutes this week making arrangements to get my mother to her aunt's funeral and ordering flowers to be sent, she made a catty comment about "if you need something to do..." - when she has spent at least 60% of her time at work the last month looking for houses. it's another non-victimless crime.
girlll! You make me cry and laugh at the same time!
1) come give your mama a hug (al la bobby b.)
2)I think Hollaback girl means something like if your man yells "Hey, woman bring me a beer" we say "I ain't no Hollaback girl"
3)PLEASE keep blogging!
Lovin' you bye bye
Lisa
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