Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday to my little darling baby boy - today you turn 18 years old! It seems like just a short time ago I was wiping snot from your nose and kissing your boo-boos. Now, you're driving my car and asking for money. You used to ask me for help with your spelling words, now you need advice regarding your girlfriend. You have plans for the future, a job, relationships... you are a man. Where did the time go? I remember the day you were born. Am I that old already? There are times I wish I could take back, days I should change, minutes not spent with every moment dedicated to you. I should have cleaned less and played more. So what if we'd read that book a gazillion times already? Someday I won't be able to read to you anymore. You still remember our song... when it comes on the radio, you point it out to me. You remember how I'd sing to you at night, rubbing your arm until you fell asleep. You remember the silly things, the good things, and even the sad things. You don't mention the mistakes I've made along the way, though I'm sure there are plenty. You're not embarrassed to be seen with your parents, and we appreciate that. You're fiercely loyal and protective. You have a good head on your shoulders. You've lived and learned, for these short 18 years, and that will make you stronger for the next several decades ahead. Every day is a learning experience, and I hope you never forget that. We are so proud of you, and love you more than you could ever know.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Monday, March 19, 2007

...and I quote

"You can not prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent them from making a nest in your hair".

~Chinese proverb


Sunday, March 18, 2007

Something I swore I'd never do

A meme.
Much like forwarding email, this just never really caught on with me. No other explanation to offer.
Thank you Ann (and Jill) for giving me something to do tonight.

List 10 positive things about yourself, including at least:
2 things about your relationships/interactions with other people (can be anyone -- friends, family, strangers (being kind to strangers is something to be proud of, after all), pets, yourself)
2 positive things about your appearance
2 positive things about your professional/creative abilities
1 positive personality trait; something that you would never willingly change about yourself

That gives you 3 "wild cards" to spread around the above categories (or things outside of these categories)

No qualifying your statements, e.g. "I remember most of my friends' birthdays, though I should make more of an effort to celebrate with them."
No item is too small to mention. "I have a very nice pinky nail" is a perfectly valid type of statement.

Remember: "Positive" is in the eye of the beholder. Try not to feel constrained by what other people might think!

1. (r/i) I am not quick to judge. If someones words or behavior are unusual or irritating, I do my best to step back and put myself in their shoes, or at least look at the big picture. Is there a reason for this? What is their background, their story? Often, one can understand why a person is a certain way, even if we don't care for the result. Through understanding, one finds acceptance.
2. (r/i) I stay out of your business. I do not gossip, I distrust many people, and I prefer to keep my own life to myself. I can keep a secret, though I'd prefer you keep it to yourself in the first place. If you simply must tell me that so-and-so is such-and-whatever, that's fine, but bear in mind I will keep an eye on you, because you just made yourself out to be a sneaky little bastard, and I hate sneaks.
3. (p) I'm easy-going and what you see is what you get. I don't try to be something I'm not, or pretend I'm better than I am. I'm not great, but I'm pretty damn good. You be nice to me, I'll be nice to you, and we'll all just get along. I rarely hold a grudge, I tend to forgive and forget - if I even got mad in the first place. Usually, stuff just tends to roll off me like water on a duck, believe it or not. My philosophy is, I've been to hell and back already, so the little shit might be annoying, but nothing that will crush me, soul and spirit. I try to pick my battles. Or my nose, whichever is most handy.
4. (a) I have pretty eyes. The darkest possible shade of brown, they're almost black when I'm tired. I used to wear contacts and eye makeup, but these past few years I hardly have it in me to bother. When I do, they POP! Wow.
5. (a) I also have one nice head of hair. Thick and lustrous, very shiny. I wear it long. When I was younger, I'd color it reddish-blonde shades. This led to not-so-terrific hair. As I've matured, I've stuck to shades towards my own natural color of dark brown, usually with a bit of auburn or burgundy tint. I've received more compliments on this end of the spectrum, which has surprised me. I always thought blondes had more fun?
6. (pro) I can handle a crisis. I tend to analyze a given situation until many possibilities are found. I am very calm under pressure, believing that an increased stress level could drive up the bad energy in a situation. Often concerned this could come off as nonchalance or ignorance, I have been complimented by friend and supervisor alike for my cool demeanor and level head.
7. (pro) I love to learn. If I don't know enough about a given subject, I will research it until my head explodes. I usually jump at an opportunity to at least try to do something I have not done before. This impresses the big people. And, rarely will you you hear me utter "that's not my job"; if something needs to be done, then dammit, just DO it. This keeps the underlings happy.
8. (w) I can cook just about anything without a recipe. It may not come out as intended, but it tastes good. The hubster likes to call these "inventions". He always eats them, no matter what.
9. (w) I keep an eye on the future. Not plans, mind you, because we all know what happens when you make plans... just what 'could be down the road ahead'. I've done enough looking back for 5 people, and the outcomes haven't changed. I try hard to just let it go, and move on, you never know what chances might be waiting if you don't.
10. (w) I have a sense of adventure. Not the jump off a bridge kind! More like the "Idaho might be nice" kind. Maybe we'll just visit, maybe we'll stay. There's more to life than "this" job, and "these" dishes. Places to see, people to meet, new stuff to do. I might never see Europe or South America, but I've never been to a Mariner's game yet, either.

And that brings to a close my version of the Me Me Me Meme:
10 things you didn't know about me, and now wish you hadn't bothered.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Strangest search term to date: "stockings inside me intercourse want".
Strangest reaction to said search term: poor sentence structure.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Everything's better with gravy

So it is with great humility that I am sitting down to a steaming plate of crow, drenched in gravy, and a chunk of cheese with my whine.
I am at once sad and indifferent, then panged with guilt at such ambivalence.
For all that loss and grief has taught me, I can't help but dredge up the old "I must have caused it" mentality - and that's just nuts. Besides being delusional that any mere mortal could possibly influence the outcome of anything, really, my casual discussion of any situation does not transcend time and circumstance to willfully create a condition out of malice.
The story, in a nutshell, is that the baby born to my niece has a heart defect, and I feel like a real shit for having complained about his fucked up parent(s).
The baby has two conditions which are not terribly, life-threateningly serious; and one which will require surgery, likely after toddler-hood. He has a ven.tricular s.eptal defe.ct, which The Boy also had, and closed before one year of age; they suspect the same will hold true for this child. He also has a bic.usp.id ao.rtic va.lve, which will not cause him an awful amount of problems throughout life, but is not a great thing to have, either. The worst of his problems lies in the c.oarct.ation of his ao.rta, which is not letting enough blood through to his descending arteries and lower body. He is at risk for ane.urysms, poor circulation to his legs & kidneys (etc.), and too high of blood pressure to his brain. Currently, the V_S.D is causing him most difficulty, in eating and tiring easily (due to poor oxyg.enation of his blood), so that he doesn't cry much and sleeps alot.
The Family is not in complete denial about all of this, opting instead to freak right the hell out and make it to be just a wee bit more dramatic than necessary. The niece, however - the baby's mother - quips in that she's glad, at least, that he's easy to care for, "he's so relaxed".
I am at an impasse. I want to comfort her, I feel sorry for the baby, sorry that she has to deal with this... and at the same time I want to slap the living shit right out of her stupid little head. On the one hand we have the family members whom have never had to deal with a single thing gone wrong in all their procreativity, and on the other hand we have me, who has not a damn thing to do with any of this and shouldn't even be involved. We have a sick baby who will be okay, living with people of questionable intelligence, and then there's me.
Why do I make this about me? I have little answer for that, besides the fact that I am a self-centered drama queen who needs to be coddled.
And before I say anything else that digs me into a hole, I will end my rant now.
As a parting gift, I will direct your attention to a nifty website regarding idioms:
World Wide Words. Enjoy.

Frequently searched for terms have been mutated.

Monday, March 05, 2007

dilemma du jour

Why would my two index fingers, and their immediate neighbors, have longer, stronger, prettier nails than the others? I don't do an awful lot with my ring and pinkie fingers, so why do those nails get snagged, broken, or otherwise worn down? They don't even grow as quickly.
Ah. Such is the mystery that is me.