Blow Me (A kiss as you're leaving)
My husband works out of town. Frequently, he's gone during the week and home on weekends. This is when I usually get scheduled to work. There are times he's gone for a few weeks at a time. Either way, we deal with it; it's not so bad. This particular weekend, we got a visit from the vicious bitch Red. No big deal, really, it's not like we actually thought I might be *gasp* knocked up or anything.
Apparently, my PMS-style wankiness could be blamed on my beloved cycle. This did not stop me, however, from carting my ass to the "Fast Track" Clinic at my local ER on Friday night, just to hear myself complain to no one in particular.
Quick! What are the two most common diagnoses you get when the doctor doesn't have a fucking CLUE?
1) Gas
and
2) Muscle spasm
And they said I had both! Harrumph!
Thoughts of endo, and polyps, and fibroids (oh my!) danced in my head. I was just about to the point of demanding a lap (or maybe just an u/s, I'm not all that extravagant). "Hahaha, you silly gestationally challenged imbecile! You automatically think every discomfort is related to your girly parts!" Well, "what about an ulcer?" said I. Probably just gas. Here, stand up and bend this way. Now squat. Twist. Do the hokey Pokey. "You are having muscle spasms". But none of that hurt! No matter, here take these muscle relaxers, they might make you groggy. Yippee. Look, I am not having muscle spasms, I did not injure my back, this is internal pain, my cycles are fucked up, and I would like to find out what is wrong so we can FIX IT. mmmmkay?
No, take your gassy-assed whiney self outta here, and come back when you have a real problem. So, of course I filled the prescription, took a good long nap, and continued to feel lousy for the next two days. (read: the meds did not help)
I still feel like crap. But I got Big Red on Sunday! Do not read the next bit of TMI if your delicate sensitivities can't tolerate graphic icky stuff. Go on, I'll wait.
I don't yet know if this period will drag on for two weeks, but I have bled so much these past three days, I have more than made up for all of ya'll on cd45-80+. Sorry, I have stolen your flow, and am holding it hostage in my pants. Today for work, I brought along a change of slacks and two pairs of underwear, a BAG of fluffy 'sanitary napkins', and two fistfuls of corks for good measure. **giggle** (sanitary napkins. who the fuck came up with that misnomer?) I've mentioned chicken livers before, but I'm upgrading that visual to your pasture-variety calves' livers. I have repeatedly leaked through a nifty super-duper tampon/heavy-duty overnight pad combo in under two hours. But do I put in a call to the doc? Hell no. Why not? Because. Mostly because I am so swamped at work that I can't take time off (I love feeling so needed). But, I'm also tired of crying wolf. I'll go, and have this dainty little spotting episode that will embarrass me for complaining. Or maybe I'm afraid of what god-forsaken diagnosis they might actually come up with. At any rate, I'll just grin and bear it.
At least the hubby is understanding. Why, just today as he was leaving ~ he slid up to me, entwining me in a loving embrace... gently caressing my backside... kissing me, running his hands through my hair... telling me how much he really, really loved me. Oh baby, I love you too, but you know I'm on my period. "That's okay darling! You sho' got a purty mouth, ya know".
Sigh.
Apparently, my PMS-style wankiness could be blamed on my beloved cycle. This did not stop me, however, from carting my ass to the "Fast Track" Clinic at my local ER on Friday night, just to hear myself complain to no one in particular.
Quick! What are the two most common diagnoses you get when the doctor doesn't have a fucking CLUE?
1) Gas
and
2) Muscle spasm
And they said I had both! Harrumph!
Thoughts of endo, and polyps, and fibroids (oh my!) danced in my head. I was just about to the point of demanding a lap (or maybe just an u/s, I'm not all that extravagant). "Hahaha, you silly gestationally challenged imbecile! You automatically think every discomfort is related to your girly parts!" Well, "what about an ulcer?" said I. Probably just gas. Here, stand up and bend this way. Now squat. Twist. Do the hokey Pokey. "You are having muscle spasms". But none of that hurt! No matter, here take these muscle relaxers, they might make you groggy. Yippee. Look, I am not having muscle spasms, I did not injure my back, this is internal pain, my cycles are fucked up, and I would like to find out what is wrong so we can FIX IT. mmmmkay?
No, take your gassy-assed whiney self outta here, and come back when you have a real problem. So, of course I filled the prescription, took a good long nap, and continued to feel lousy for the next two days. (read: the meds did not help)
I still feel like crap. But I got Big Red on Sunday! Do not read the next bit of TMI if your delicate sensitivities can't tolerate graphic icky stuff. Go on, I'll wait.
I don't yet know if this period will drag on for two weeks, but I have bled so much these past three days, I have more than made up for all of ya'll on cd45-80+. Sorry, I have stolen your flow, and am holding it hostage in my pants. Today for work, I brought along a change of slacks and two pairs of underwear, a BAG of fluffy 'sanitary napkins', and two fistfuls of corks for good measure. **giggle** (sanitary napkins. who the fuck came up with that misnomer?) I've mentioned chicken livers before, but I'm upgrading that visual to your pasture-variety calves' livers. I have repeatedly leaked through a nifty super-duper tampon/heavy-duty overnight pad combo in under two hours. But do I put in a call to the doc? Hell no. Why not? Because. Mostly because I am so swamped at work that I can't take time off (I love feeling so needed). But, I'm also tired of crying wolf. I'll go, and have this dainty little spotting episode that will embarrass me for complaining. Or maybe I'm afraid of what god-forsaken diagnosis they might actually come up with. At any rate, I'll just grin and bear it.
At least the hubby is understanding. Why, just today as he was leaving ~ he slid up to me, entwining me in a loving embrace... gently caressing my backside... kissing me, running his hands through my hair... telling me how much he really, really loved me. Oh baby, I love you too, but you know I'm on my period. "That's okay darling! You sho' got a purty mouth, ya know".
Sigh.
posted by Julie at 11:00 PM
5 Comments:
Damn. :( That just sucks. If you often have the heavy bleeding, you really should get it looked into. I had it for several years and just medicated and it turned out I had a fibroid, which the doc thinks may have caused the baby's death. So get thee to a doctor!!!!!!
O.M.G. Are men all alike, every where??? apparently
J-take it easy, have some wine, and do something you usually feel too guilty to do but makes you feel good!
Love ya
Lisa
I just can't come up with a witty comment for this one. I'm just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief and chuckling. Men!
Take care of yourself please.
That kind of bleeding is NOT normal! For anyone. Not even you. Excessive bleeding + abnormal pain + increased PMS symptoms = go to doctor. It doesn't matter if what you are there about isn't happening at that moment, you aren't a car for chrissakes. OK, I'll stop ranting now. Please take care of yourself.
Funny story...once my husband stepped on my foot when I had no shoes on. As it happens we were standing by the bed and I was wearing a skirt. I think you know where this is headed. So while I'm screaming in pain the bastard says to me, "Oh my god! Are you ok? I'm so sorry!", then proceeds to try to lift up my skirt! Honestly...
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