Miss You.
I want my baby.I sit here, looking at his picture through tears that won’t stop.
And all I want is my baby.
He’s so beautiful. Every inch of him was perfect.
Such a sweet little face with that little dimpled chin.
I never got to look into his eyes. To see him gaze at me with wonder, his little hand wrapped around my finger while he fed at my breast.
I never got to smell his fresh baby scent.
Or the poopy diapers.
Or the spit-up, dried on my shoulder.
I never got a chance to deal with the late night feedings and marathon crying sessions.
Now, all I have are my own marathon crying sessions.
Sometimes, they keep me up nights.
That’s all I have.
Pain. Heartbreak. Empty arms. And memories of a dead baby that I never got to snuggle.
It’s not fair. I am so mad at god.
Miss you.
posted by Julie at 11:40 AM
5 Comments:
((((((((hugs))))))))) I just wish there was more, some magical words maybe, I could do or say to take it all away. I hate that there are SO MANY of us that are just left with pictures. Your boy IS beautiful, and I am so sorry that he is not here WITH you. Thank you for sharing him.
I am mad at god too. If I'm supposed to thank him for the good things, why doesn't he get to take the blame for this bad thing? It only seems fair.
I know what it is like to miss your baby so much you just feel empty. I wish you could have everything you wanted with your baby boy. I have the same wishes for myself and my son.
Thank you for your support. It crossed my mind to pull this post because it is a little... strong... maybe. I was having a really bad day. But, I can't force myself to ball up my feelings and shove them down becuase they are unpleasant. Thank you for understanding.
And I am so sorry for your losses as well, and for everyone who has had a hearbreak, no matter at what stage.
The one thing I keep telling myself and my husband is this...
This happened to YOU. Who cares what other people think?!?!
Sometimes strong is good...cathartic...honest. It's ok to feel what you're feeling. And it's ok to share what you're feeling. If anyone understands, then you just might help them. If anyone is NOT going to understand...that's their problem.
Your son is beautiful.
I am so sorry.
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