Fuddled
I'm in neutral. Idle. Fork in the road. Lump on a log. Stick up my ass.
My much-anticipated appointment with Dr. Wonderful was thwarted by Nurse Sowhat. When I was told to call at the start of my next cycle, I was assured we would be doing an endo biopsy, and quite possibly a hysteroscopy. And labs. Lots of blood work. Serial quants of hormonal measurements over days on end. Much rejoicing was had by all.
I expected nothing but an easy ride on the stirrups of bliss. I charted and plotted and made lovely graphs and tables and piecharts and lists, color-coded and indexed and placed in a handy little binder for easy reference. I even did some personal landscaping.
His next appointment is in October.
October.
Like, the month after the month after next.
"But," I whined, "he said to call in July when I started my new cycle...". He's booked up, there's nothing I can do, says the scheduler. I am transferred to the nurses' voicemail, where I leave a long and explicit message. The resultant reply is that he is just too overbooked. "Yes, I understand that, however I was told to call when I started. I have started. He wanted to see me early in this cycle. We did not KNOW when this cycle would be! I just got it. He needs to see me now. Please, can you just check with him, maybe he'd like to at least get my labs out of the way, or something?" Nope. "Please, can I just leave a message for him?!" He's out of the office today. Tomorrow? "I'll see what he says". Nothing. Calls left, unanswered. I try again the next day. "He said to take the next available appointment". And if that falls out of my window of opportunity? "He'll still be able to consult with you". I need more than a consult, I beg, did you ask about any testing he wants during my menses, like he told me? HE SAID TO SCHEDULE WHEN THERE IS AN OPENING. And, as I said, that would be in October. Giddyup.
I don't know why this surprises me. Actually, I believe "surprise" is not the word I need to use. How about, I do not know why I find this worthy of mention. For one, it is not a major problem, in the light of other things. I just like to hear myself gripe. Secondly, it is not as if any of this "testing" phenomena really would make much of a difference. Normalcy is not an easily achieved state in this household.
But I SO wanted to use the machine that goes "Ping!"
I'll just save up my nervous energy and hope for a miracle between now and then. Wasn't really looking forward to the snatch-spelunking, anyway.
So, back to my cycle. Sorry to leave you gripped on the edge of your seat with curiosity, and all.
30 days, this time, and Red was only here for three days. Afuckingmazing. Have determined that the midback and pelvic pain enjoyed from my previous cycle must be a new PMS symptom for me. At least I am getting a little forewarning, though. Gotta love it.
What I do find most distressing about my delay in treatment, is this amusing little "plan" that the hubster and I had devised. We decided it would be nice to get pregnant in October, or by December at the latest. Well, it sounded good at the time. Just get myself regulated between now and then, take the Clomid, get pregnant on the first round, and Voila! All the planets will be properly aligned in my house of make-believe, purple ponies will dance on the lawn, and Genuine Saskatchewan Sealskin coats will come back in style. Delusional? Well, DUH. I am exercising my right of creative absurdity.
My much-anticipated appointment with Dr. Wonderful was thwarted by Nurse Sowhat. When I was told to call at the start of my next cycle, I was assured we would be doing an endo biopsy, and quite possibly a hysteroscopy. And labs. Lots of blood work. Serial quants of hormonal measurements over days on end. Much rejoicing was had by all.
I expected nothing but an easy ride on the stirrups of bliss. I charted and plotted and made lovely graphs and tables and piecharts and lists, color-coded and indexed and placed in a handy little binder for easy reference. I even did some personal landscaping.
His next appointment is in October.
October.
Like, the month after the month after next.
"But," I whined, "he said to call in July when I started my new cycle...". He's booked up, there's nothing I can do, says the scheduler. I am transferred to the nurses' voicemail, where I leave a long and explicit message. The resultant reply is that he is just too overbooked. "Yes, I understand that, however I was told to call when I started. I have started. He wanted to see me early in this cycle. We did not KNOW when this cycle would be! I just got it. He needs to see me now. Please, can you just check with him, maybe he'd like to at least get my labs out of the way, or something?" Nope. "Please, can I just leave a message for him?!" He's out of the office today. Tomorrow? "I'll see what he says". Nothing. Calls left, unanswered. I try again the next day. "He said to take the next available appointment". And if that falls out of my window of opportunity? "He'll still be able to consult with you". I need more than a consult, I beg, did you ask about any testing he wants during my menses, like he told me? HE SAID TO SCHEDULE WHEN THERE IS AN OPENING. And, as I said, that would be in October. Giddyup.
I don't know why this surprises me. Actually, I believe "surprise" is not the word I need to use. How about, I do not know why I find this worthy of mention. For one, it is not a major problem, in the light of other things. I just like to hear myself gripe. Secondly, it is not as if any of this "testing" phenomena really would make much of a difference. Normalcy is not an easily achieved state in this household.
But I SO wanted to use the machine that goes "Ping!"I'll just save up my nervous energy and hope for a miracle between now and then. Wasn't really looking forward to the snatch-spelunking, anyway.
So, back to my cycle. Sorry to leave you gripped on the edge of your seat with curiosity, and all.
30 days, this time, and Red was only here for three days. Afuckingmazing. Have determined that the midback and pelvic pain enjoyed from my previous cycle must be a new PMS symptom for me. At least I am getting a little forewarning, though. Gotta love it.
What I do find most distressing about my delay in treatment, is this amusing little "plan" that the hubster and I had devised. We decided it would be nice to get pregnant in October, or by December at the latest. Well, it sounded good at the time. Just get myself regulated between now and then, take the Clomid, get pregnant on the first round, and Voila! All the planets will be properly aligned in my house of make-believe, purple ponies will dance on the lawn, and Genuine Saskatchewan Sealskin coats will come back in style. Delusional? Well, DUH. I am exercising my right of creative absurdity.
posted by Julie at 9:45 AM
6 Comments:
I can paint one of my ponies purple and dance her across your lawn if it will help in any way.
this is soooo not acceptable. you need a new doc!
October? Unfair!
It's amazing how little understanding you get from the nurses, isn't it? They should know by now that a one cycle delay means everything to an IF patient. I am sorry, that just bites. And I'm sorry you didn't have good news to circumvent the terrible anniversary you just endured.
I guess I'm a low-tech kinda gal. Partly broke, partly beaten down, mostly just... eh. To a point. I promised the hubby and myself that we were done with the testing and the worry and the meds and the letdown. We have a surly teenage boy that has been our joy for so long, why mess with it. Until I somehow managed to get pregnant on my very own, quite inexplicably, twice in two years. Now, I am overwhelmingly consumed with proving that it wasn't just a fluke. I can do this! Just work with me, here.
Anyway, my doc, I honestly do love him to death, he is very kind and the best we have here. He is a high-risk OB and a Perinatologist, and also does my usual gyne stuff. My options are somewhat limited due to location, insurance, and general lack of fund$. What I *think* the problem is, is his STAFF, most of whom deserve to be tied up and whipped mercilessly, just because. And I will bring up that point to him - in October.
I hope creative absurdity reigns in the next few months and everything goes exactly as you've planned. Just think, you'll have a convenient excuse to get out of all of those holiday duties -- cooking the Thanksgiving meal, extraneous Christmas shopping, holiday dinners with the in-laws -- just by laying on the "morning sickness". (And no -- I haven't just jinxed you! I'm sure you'll have a perfectly delightful first trimester, devoid of any physical irritation or ailment).
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