He said, She said [Sunday Edition]
Why did you spend so much at the store?
Option 1: Because I felt like it. Next question.
Option 2: I'm sorry. They had some "name-brand" items on sale, and I thought we'd try them this time. Look, I got the GOOD toilet paper!
Do you think you could get this place vacuumed sometime this week?
Option 1: Do you think you could navigate your way anywhere near the laundry hamper, like, EVER?
Option 2: Yes, dear, I've not done much recently, I admit.
Why can't you ever put the clean clothes AWAY?
Option 1: Hmmm... let's see. After carting everything down two flights of stairs, sorting, washing, drying, folding, and bringing them b-a-c-k up those same two flights of stairs, I kind of lost my focus.
Option 2: Why don't YOU?
Auxiliary argument: I don't know where they go.
???WTF??? How do you ever manage to clothe yourself in the morning?
Well, I can put up my own things, but you can do yours.
Care to wash your own clothes and cook your own food, then, as well? I can fend for myself.
I'm just saying, it's your job.
(ed. note - it got a little ugly right about here...)
Why is this garbage piled up? Can't you take it down once in a while?
Option 1: Yes, I'll just grow an additional appendage to facilitate carrying the laundry baskets AND the garbage all in one trip. Hey, here's a thought, do you think you might ever find the time to pitch in?
Option 2: Well, you see, it's like this. I had to stop my whole washing-of-the-dishes festivities this morning to service you. Then, it was time to drive The Boy to hockey practice. What were you doing? Oh yes, wandering the woods in search of deer droppings. I decided to get the groceries while I was out, and upon my return I had to put them away and get dinner started. Now, I have TWICE as many dishes to clear through, but you're fed properly, so just go lay down on the couch honey, I think a game is on. I'll tend to this, don't worry.
Just how much time out of your day does it take to run him places, anyway?
1: Depends on the purpose, why?
2: Once I'm done with my pedicure and massage, I usually am able to return home in under 5 hours.
Seems like you can never get anything done. You use him as an excuse.
1: Ah, yes. And a handy excuse he has been for quite some time. Your son, he has served his purpose well.
2: Once he gets his license, things should get easier.
Auxiliary argument: Why doesn't he have his license already, DEAR?
Because he was doing poorly in school.
And why is that?
1: He's every bit as lazy as YOU?
2: I'm a bad mother who made him develop bad habits?
We don't have enough money to pay these bills. Fuck it. I'm going golfing.
How much will that cost?
About 40 bucks. I'm getting a cart.
Wha??? You bitch at me about GROCERIES, and you're getting A CART?! You complain when I buy a book I need for SCHOOL, after you plunked down hundreds of dollars for a new bow and all the little hunting accessories you get every. single. year??
Well, my ass hurts.
Please explain.
My hemorrhoids have flared.
I told you I thought you were a pain in the ass.
No, you are.
Oh, so it's my fault.
Can I go now?
Yeah, have fun. But, just one more thing...
Aren't you glad I bought the GOOD toilet paper?
Option 1: Because I felt like it. Next question.
Option 2: I'm sorry. They had some "name-brand" items on sale, and I thought we'd try them this time. Look, I got the GOOD toilet paper!
Do you think you could get this place vacuumed sometime this week?
Option 1: Do you think you could navigate your way anywhere near the laundry hamper, like, EVER?
Option 2: Yes, dear, I've not done much recently, I admit.
Why can't you ever put the clean clothes AWAY?
Option 1: Hmmm... let's see. After carting everything down two flights of stairs, sorting, washing, drying, folding, and bringing them b-a-c-k up those same two flights of stairs, I kind of lost my focus.
Option 2: Why don't YOU?
Auxiliary argument: I don't know where they go.
???WTF??? How do you ever manage to clothe yourself in the morning?
Well, I can put up my own things, but you can do yours.
Care to wash your own clothes and cook your own food, then, as well? I can fend for myself.
I'm just saying, it's your job.
(ed. note - it got a little ugly right about here...)
Why is this garbage piled up? Can't you take it down once in a while?
Option 1: Yes, I'll just grow an additional appendage to facilitate carrying the laundry baskets AND the garbage all in one trip. Hey, here's a thought, do you think you might ever find the time to pitch in?
Option 2: Well, you see, it's like this. I had to stop my whole washing-of-the-dishes festivities this morning to service you. Then, it was time to drive The Boy to hockey practice. What were you doing? Oh yes, wandering the woods in search of deer droppings. I decided to get the groceries while I was out, and upon my return I had to put them away and get dinner started. Now, I have TWICE as many dishes to clear through, but you're fed properly, so just go lay down on the couch honey, I think a game is on. I'll tend to this, don't worry.
Just how much time out of your day does it take to run him places, anyway?
1: Depends on the purpose, why?
2: Once I'm done with my pedicure and massage, I usually am able to return home in under 5 hours.
Seems like you can never get anything done. You use him as an excuse.
1: Ah, yes. And a handy excuse he has been for quite some time. Your son, he has served his purpose well.
2: Once he gets his license, things should get easier.
Auxiliary argument: Why doesn't he have his license already, DEAR?
Because he was doing poorly in school.
And why is that?
1: He's every bit as lazy as YOU?
2: I'm a bad mother who made him develop bad habits?
We don't have enough money to pay these bills. Fuck it. I'm going golfing.
How much will that cost?
About 40 bucks. I'm getting a cart.
Wha??? You bitch at me about GROCERIES, and you're getting A CART?! You complain when I buy a book I need for SCHOOL, after you plunked down hundreds of dollars for a new bow and all the little hunting accessories you get every. single. year??
Well, my ass hurts.
Please explain.
My hemorrhoids have flared.
I told you I thought you were a pain in the ass.
No, you are.
Oh, so it's my fault.
Can I go now?
Yeah, have fun. But, just one more thing...
Aren't you glad I bought the GOOD toilet paper?
posted by Julie at 5:06 PM
9 Comments:
OMG Julie, you are so funny, but I am sorry he's such a pain:(
They are all the same though...lucky for me K does golf for a living so I don't have THAT particular problem - but the others? I HEAR YA SISTA!!
Omg they ARE the same. LMAO, sounds WAY too familiar.
Sorry he's a pain in the butt!!
LOL! You could have been describing the scene at our house lately. I nearly fell over when I saw my DH emptying the dishwasher yesterday. I was shocked he even knew where it was, lol!
whoa boy...I'd say you guys need a vacation, but you just had one. {{{hugs}}}
i have to admit that justin does like 90% of the laundry and the dishes around here, and he does take out the trash (although i usually have to wake him up for him to get it out on time). but i do from time to time wish to knee him slightly below the waist when he becomes completely unreasonable.
Funny shit. Unfortunately, I'm sure these conversations happen in every home around the world at some point. Except maybe the deer droppings thing (but my hubby does that too).
Wow, are you living in my house?? This is exactly the conversation that has been going on around here lately! I came down to the computer this morning and found a "Molly Maid" (cleaning company) brochure on the keyboard. I guess that is his way of saying if I don't want to do it then we'll hire someone who will!
OMG! Cracked me the F&CK UP!
I think you ought to use the sarcastic responses OFTEN, or better yet, simply assign him "child-shlepping" duties, and when he complains about having to drive his kid around, tell him you're busy golfing...
Cheers,
Shelli
AHA! I found your blog! (You don't have it listed in your profile.)
:-)
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