An Alternate Universe
Everyone agrees, women are hard to figure out. Men have yacked about it since the dawn of time. They blame our hormones. Wives have become comedic fodder in many situations.
Men, on the other hand are much simpler creatures. You don't have to look too deep to figure out there's not many layers there to work with. Speaking strictly from personal experience, a well-fed and well-rested husband will render you a trusty companion who can lift heavy things and manipulate the duct tape with skill. General conversations take up valuable airspace, and besides, there's a something good on TV. Under it all, there runs a basic mantra, "I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see something naked."
I scrawled out "I Love You" on a piece of paper, laid it on his bedside table, and on it placed this morning's "+" hpt, a wishbone, and a little rubber ducky. He awoke to let the dogs out. He returned to bed and lay there momentarily, then decided to shower. [I got out of bed to put up the laundry. Really, it happened.] He got dressed. He asked what time we were supposed to go to the cookout. I kept gazing at the table, trying to divert his attention in that direction. Have I mentioned yet that it takes a smack to the head and blinking lights to get his attention? He went downstairs, and called up the stairs to verify the coffee-to-water ratio. Once he got the pot brewing, I requested he come back upstairs "for a few minutes". In a blink of an eye, there he was. I told him I loved him. Did he enjoy our vacation? I know I sure did. It was so relaxing. Sure would be nice to have a souvenir, wouldn't it? Hey, ummm, what time is it anyway? Hey, that light is off, isn't it? And so on. Meanwhile, he's busy fumbling with the highly specialized engineering of my bra clasp. I take off my glasses and ask him to lay them on the table. Ouch, hun, easy there... my boobs sure are sensitive. It was like explaining abstracts to Forrest Gump. Do you need it to jump up and bite you on the ass? Get a frickin' CLUE, honey. Again, as I say, men don't play games. Just say it and get it over with.
So, about 3.8 minutes later, he's all like, "Thanks", and I'm fumbling around for the ol' specs so I can look him in the eye and spill the beans. I can't find my glasses. I ask him where he put them. He rolls over me to find them, and still ignoring my cryptic announcement, hands me my glasses, and says he's going to go play golf. I sigh loudly, and tap my fingers on the bed. "What? What did I do now?"..... "Nothiiiiiiing".
Finally, I can take it no longer. I take him by the hand, sit him down next to me, next to the table, and ask "Did you see this yet?" "No, what is that?" "Read it."
No kidding, it took him about 5 minutes to process. He turns to me and calmly inquires, "Are you pregnant?" I slowly nod with a nervous grin on my lips...
Talk about ruining a good surprise.
Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?
Today has been weird. I am guessing that all the financial worry and emotional turmoil brought on by Nicholas' impending birth pretty much cleared the way for this one. Alas, it is yet still early. The tides will surely change. I was fully expecting a big groan, followed by a lecture about 'not getting our hopes up', and 'let's not talk about it, okay, we've got plenty of time'.
Instead, what I got was kisses, hugs and belly rubs. Out of the blue, he comes up to TALK to me. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to tell The Boy. My dad called, and G kept bugging me until I HAD to tell my dad right then, as well. We went to his mom's for a picnic, and he blurted it out there, too. I don't want to act annoyed, because this is SO very unlike him, but come ON!He, of all people, should know as well as I do that we're playing a dangerous game. There's these chickens, you know, that you shouldn't count before they hatch? They're on the cart that he just put before the horse. The horse that stands shoeless, under a ladder, on broken mirrors. Take a breath, G, let's be realistic.
Oh, and THIS one's going to be a GIRL. And did you notice you're due on Mother's Day? That surely is a good sign.
{???!?!??}
Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and this will have all been a dream. Pinch me. What has gotten into him?
Only 36 more weeks to go. Giddyup!
Men, on the other hand are much simpler creatures. You don't have to look too deep to figure out there's not many layers there to work with. Speaking strictly from personal experience, a well-fed and well-rested husband will render you a trusty companion who can lift heavy things and manipulate the duct tape with skill. General conversations take up valuable airspace, and besides, there's a something good on TV. Under it all, there runs a basic mantra, "I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see something naked."
I scrawled out "I Love You" on a piece of paper, laid it on his bedside table, and on it placed this morning's "+" hpt, a wishbone, and a little rubber ducky. He awoke to let the dogs out. He returned to bed and lay there momentarily, then decided to shower. [I got out of bed to put up the laundry. Really, it happened.] He got dressed. He asked what time we were supposed to go to the cookout. I kept gazing at the table, trying to divert his attention in that direction. Have I mentioned yet that it takes a smack to the head and blinking lights to get his attention? He went downstairs, and called up the stairs to verify the coffee-to-water ratio. Once he got the pot brewing, I requested he come back upstairs "for a few minutes". In a blink of an eye, there he was. I told him I loved him. Did he enjoy our vacation? I know I sure did. It was so relaxing. Sure would be nice to have a souvenir, wouldn't it? Hey, ummm, what time is it anyway? Hey, that light is off, isn't it? And so on. Meanwhile, he's busy fumbling with the highly specialized engineering of my bra clasp. I take off my glasses and ask him to lay them on the table. Ouch, hun, easy there... my boobs sure are sensitive. It was like explaining abstracts to Forrest Gump. Do you need it to jump up and bite you on the ass? Get a frickin' CLUE, honey. Again, as I say, men don't play games. Just say it and get it over with.
So, about 3.8 minutes later, he's all like, "Thanks", and I'm fumbling around for the ol' specs so I can look him in the eye and spill the beans. I can't find my glasses. I ask him where he put them. He rolls over me to find them, and still ignoring my cryptic announcement, hands me my glasses, and says he's going to go play golf. I sigh loudly, and tap my fingers on the bed. "What? What did I do now?"..... "Nothiiiiiiing".
Finally, I can take it no longer. I take him by the hand, sit him down next to me, next to the table, and ask "Did you see this yet?" "No, what is that?" "Read it."
No kidding, it took him about 5 minutes to process. He turns to me and calmly inquires, "Are you pregnant?" I slowly nod with a nervous grin on my lips...
Talk about ruining a good surprise.
Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?
Today has been weird. I am guessing that all the financial worry and emotional turmoil brought on by Nicholas' impending birth pretty much cleared the way for this one. Alas, it is yet still early. The tides will surely change. I was fully expecting a big groan, followed by a lecture about 'not getting our hopes up', and 'let's not talk about it, okay, we've got plenty of time'.
Instead, what I got was kisses, hugs and belly rubs. Out of the blue, he comes up to TALK to me. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to tell The Boy. My dad called, and G kept bugging me until I HAD to tell my dad right then, as well. We went to his mom's for a picnic, and he blurted it out there, too. I don't want to act annoyed, because this is SO very unlike him, but come ON!He, of all people, should know as well as I do that we're playing a dangerous game. There's these chickens, you know, that you shouldn't count before they hatch? They're on the cart that he just put before the horse. The horse that stands shoeless, under a ladder, on broken mirrors. Take a breath, G, let's be realistic.
Oh, and THIS one's going to be a GIRL. And did you notice you're due on Mother's Day? That surely is a good sign.
{???!?!??}
Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and this will have all been a dream. Pinch me. What has gotten into him?
Only 36 more weeks to go. Giddyup!
posted by Julie at 11:41 AM
10 Comments:
Can pregnancy be much more stressful?? All I can say is you have a good stable of readers (to go with the horse and cart) who will faithfully trudge along with you on this surreal journal.
And - he's sharp one huh??? If it were a movie you'd fast forward him, LOL:)
BTW, is The Boy pleased or does he think it's really just gross that you had sex? It must be strange for him given he is old enough to understand some of the risks now.
Anyway, I'll just stop asking questions now:)
I'm so glad you decided to tell him...even if he is as dense as a fence post. Enjoy his excitement. Enjoy your excitement. You both deserve it. :o)
By the way...what did the family say?
The Boy just gave us a 'thumbs-up" sign and changed positions on the couch. When we inquired later on, going so far as to ask "What do you think?", he continues to change the subject, say he doesn't care, and also said he didn't want to talk about it. He was very upset about Nick, and held him for a long time in the hospital. I *think* maybe he is afraid to invest much this time.
My dad was beside himself, so happy, I could hear him tearing up. "I get to be a grandpa again".
The inlaws: SIL is thrilled, MIL said "Hey that's good news", and the spinster aunt-in-law got up to leave. Silence is golden.
I love that... a HPT and a note. :-)
WOW! I'm sending you all the best thoughts and wishes!
so i go off for a weekend and you get all knocked up! good $%!#ing job!!!
someday you will explain to this child that her dad loves her very much and can't help that he is just slow and to not mind his drooling.
Woo-hoo!!! I just knew this was going to be a real BFP. Your hubby sounds like he's being uncharacteristically sweet, so enjoy it while it lasts! It's great that he is so excited. You guys deserve this happiness so much!!!
Congrats all around!! Sorry he ruined the perfectly good set-up you worked so hard on, but I think he redeemed himself in the end.
on second thought, instead of saying, "good $%!#ing job!!!", i should have said, "good job $%!#ing!!!"
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