Monday, Monday
So twice in as many days I have cracked open an egg with a double yolk. Pretty cool, if you want to dwell on signs and shit (far be it from me to put stock into such fancical things - ha!), but I really think it was just a coincidence. And I need to stop buying eggs from WalMart, because apparently they use mutant non-union chickens.
The smell of bacon makes me need to hurl.
And lunchmeat. And broccoli. And milk, canned peas, my son's room, and Dove soap.
We're enjoying the visionary delight of pregnancy boobs. The husband, however, may look but not touch. I remember when I was expecting Nick, how impressive the bosoms became, and I assumed by nursing time, that I would be sporting a Pamela Anderson-style rack. However, when the milk came in (and of course I was unable to use it), I was left with two unsightly tubesocks with softballs stuffed in them. Not a pretty sight.
Hey, I'm all about the "TMI", you should be used to it by now.
Feeling a little guilty. I was taking a much-needed nap yesterday on the wonderful, wonderful comfy couch. The little kids from the house behind us were making a huge racket on their playset, and woke me up. I was perturbed. Do I really need/want a little kid to be disturbing my sleep and routine for another 18 years? I was just about done with the one I have, and I'm
starting over?
A girl from school who was due at the same time as I was showed up last week with her baby girl. Such a cutie pie, very mild mannered, and she seemed preoccupied with me. She kept staring at me, and smiled a few times. Even when other people were holding her and talking to her, she kept seeking me out. Felt really nice. Nick would be that age now. I didn't cry.
I am becoming more obsessed over 'no heart beat' than I am with the potential bleeding. As much as I promise myself not to dwell on anything, I just can't do it. There will be one problem after another, after another; little worries the entire time that something, anything, will go wrong. I don't know if I have it in me to do this. Ignorance is bliss.
Perhaps I'll have a different attitude this evening. Have a good day.
The smell of bacon makes me need to hurl.
And lunchmeat. And broccoli. And milk, canned peas, my son's room, and Dove soap.
We're enjoying the visionary delight of pregnancy boobs. The husband, however, may look but not touch. I remember when I was expecting Nick, how impressive the bosoms became, and I assumed by nursing time, that I would be sporting a Pamela Anderson-style rack. However, when the milk came in (and of course I was unable to use it), I was left with two unsightly tubesocks with softballs stuffed in them. Not a pretty sight.
Hey, I'm all about the "TMI", you should be used to it by now.
Feeling a little guilty. I was taking a much-needed nap yesterday on the wonderful, wonderful comfy couch. The little kids from the house behind us were making a huge racket on their playset, and woke me up. I was perturbed. Do I really need/want a little kid to be disturbing my sleep and routine for another 18 years? I was just about done with the one I have, and I'm
starting over?
A girl from school who was due at the same time as I was showed up last week with her baby girl. Such a cutie pie, very mild mannered, and she seemed preoccupied with me. She kept staring at me, and smiled a few times. Even when other people were holding her and talking to her, she kept seeking me out. Felt really nice. Nick would be that age now. I didn't cry.
I am becoming more obsessed over 'no heart beat' than I am with the potential bleeding. As much as I promise myself not to dwell on anything, I just can't do it. There will be one problem after another, after another; little worries the entire time that something, anything, will go wrong. I don't know if I have it in me to do this. Ignorance is bliss.
Perhaps I'll have a different attitude this evening. Have a good day.
posted by Julie at 5:33 AM
2 Comments:
i am right there with you, even though our histories are somewhat different. i keep expecting to be told they can't find a heartbeat. i'm 8w2d and i've already had three ultrasounds, and while i don't know if i can withstand another ultrasound, my god, please - give me more ultrasounds! give'em to me daily! how about hourly? how about you hook one of those puppies up to me like an iv and i just walk around all the time with the ultrasound on, or implant a transducer and monitor in my stomach (lord knows there's enough fat in which to mount it and keep it in place) and i can just walk around all day showing everyone exactly how the tadpole is swimming. you know, with this idea, i could make a fortune; the tadpole would be set for life. i'd better get to work.
Given your history I would fully expect you to be overly cautious and pessimistic, that's just human nature, not to mention a defense mechanism. And normal. I hope you are able to find little pockets of hope and (dare I say it) even joy in the process.
Post a Comment
<< Home