A shit list

~This-ism, that-ism, -ism, -ism, -ism~


Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddihsm: Shit is, and shit is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterianism: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad that shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarianism: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Unitarianism #2: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again, Amen!
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Christian Science #2: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - Pray!
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: This is MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stocism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p. 157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >knock<>knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Practicalism: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnosticism: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnotic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.

My sincerest gratitude to whomever created this list, which I thusly borrowed without shame, because... well, you know.