Sunday, August 01, 2010

I must get off on it

...torturing myself, that is.
I can't leave well enough alone.
These early days are going too well, I tell myself.
I almost became complacent and relaxed.
Overcome with sudden curiosity, I decide I need to do some comparisons.
So, I go back through my old posts from the Fall of 2005. When I lost my 13+wk little girl.
Was I on Prometrium then? I knew I had taken it with Nick. Twice. Because when I stopped the 1st time, I started bleeding again.
My progesterone level with Nick was 17.9 at 6wks. Within normal limits, but I was bleeding, so we used Prometrium. And I carried him to term. (Cord accident at 35wks for those not in the know).
With the last one, my progesterone level was a whopping 28, at 4w3d! Here, in hindsight, I had thought surely that was the problem. I got to thinking, maybe that's why the placenta separated, just as it should have been taking over, maybe I had something wrong with my progesterone levels. Did I take it with her? No, I did not, because the levels were more than sufficient. No spotting with that pregnancy. And I lost it anyway.
So with this one, at 6wks, my progesterone was only 10. So, yeah, I'm taking the supplement. And it appears to be working, so why am I trying to compare?
Cuz that's what I do.
So far, I haven't had one spot. But my fingers are still crossed.
And I swear I'm not obsessing. Not this time. I have become much too zen over the past few years to devote more attention than necessary to incidental happenings that are out of my control. I may be able to influence a thing or two, but it is so completely out of my hands - I'm just along for the ride.
Just wanted, for clarity's sake, to know the numbers. And to prove to myself that nothing means anything. Every single situation is different, and you just can't compare. So I won't.

4 Comments:

Blogger Pipsylou said...

I think the comparing gives us a false sense of control.

Hey, it's something.

Mon Aug 02, 10:40:00 AM EDT  
Blogger kati said...

hi Julie, a couple of years ago I found your blog when I was going through 2nd infertility. I stopped blogging after my last miscarriage/pregnancy three years ago but I always wondered how you were doing. Today I searched for you on the internet...and I found you and your most amazing news. I wish you the best, Julie, the very best.

Mon Aug 09, 01:56:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Pipsylou said...

you must get off on torturing us...UPDATE!

Mon Aug 16, 02:21:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Julie said...

Thank you, kati; I appreciate your thinking of me, and the kind words of support.
Sorry, Pipsylou; I'm not used to blogging regularly again. I'll do better! :-)

Sat Aug 21, 12:15:00 PM EDT  

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