Monday, September 20, 2010

...and we have an answer

Monosomy X (Turner Syndrome).
In the back of my mind, I'm thinking, 'so it was a girl", thus confirming my suspicion.
However, the very basis of monosomy X is the lack of a "Y" (or another X), so that theory doesn't really prove anything.
Plus, the genetics testing from the previous female lost showed nothing abnormal whatsoever, further proving we know nada, nothing, zilch. That is, regarding my persistent bad luck. Each time it is something new or different, so... I don't know.
Throw caution to the wind and see what new and improved disorder or freak accident we can conjure up? Or close up shop and board the windows?
I'm a huge fan of fate and/or destiny and/or random happenings; I don't care to meddle where my interference is either useless or unwelcome. It's not the "meant to be" factor, rather more of an "Eh, whatever. Let the chips fall where they may". I've long since decided that if the outcome of anything is somehow contingent on my efforts, and it FAILS, then I can't handle the disappointment or guilt or shame or general let-down that ensues. This applies, of course, to those areas of life where I have no control.
Any amount of functioning logic should tell me that repeated failures might indicate a change in perspective could be beneficial. Like, maybe, stop leaving something like this up to random misadventure and become more involved. You know, put an end to the potentiality (is that even a word?? it is now) and stop letting chance have its way with me. Stop being so easy.
Yet, it feels like I'd be giving up. Like I'm a quitter. And, "what if" we missed out on something amazing because we tried to make things happen (or not happen, in this case). My own twisted version of the butterfly effect, chaos not included.
Too much to grasp at this time; I'm not feeling too philosophical at the moment and I've got other stuff to do.
Just sayin'.

6 Comments:

Blogger Catherine said...

I get it. I wish I didn't...but I get it. And I'm here no matter what you decide. {{{hugs}}}

Mon Sep 20, 12:37:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Jillian said...

I hate that you are in the middle of this uninvited hurricane of life changing decisions. What's more is that there is no logical answer at all, it's all down to gut feelings. So even though you haven't got logic to back up your decisions, you have me. For what it's worth. xx

Tue Sep 21, 01:57:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Pipsylou said...

read this awhile ago and blogger ate my comment. thinking about you and know i'm with you whatever youd ecide.

Wed Sep 29, 07:11:00 PM EDT  
Blogger kati said...

I'm so sorry, Julie. So sorry.

Wed Oct 06, 05:58:00 PM EDT  
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Wed May 18, 05:29:00 AM EDT  
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